my mind thought i was going to die, but i didn’t need to listen
click-click-click
lola aimed her camera at me as i struggled to keep my balance in the mud. at this point, i had only known her for roughly sixty minutes of my life, yet i trusted her immensely: i knew she would catch me if i fell.
being in front of a camera is a vulnerable thing. it forces me into the moment, forces me outside of myself. it’s no longer all about me, but the bond that forms between “model” and “photographer” as they collaborate creatively.
click-click-click
lola brings the camera back down and helps me to my feet. she is still snapping photos as i take her hand.
i follow her gaze to decades-old train tracks, liminal and winding. wordlessly, we walk, and i stand in the center.
lola and i fall into a rhythm, and i finally pose with ease, all apprehension abandoned. the sun on my skin serves as a filter for her work and an incubator for my energy.
i hear that click-click-click but this time, it’s louder.
lola isn’t holding the camera.
i hear the words “the train is coming!” as we dive off the tracks to the edge of the concrete.
CLICK-CLICK-CLICK
she returns to her camera, shooting again and i simply choose to trust that she has lead me to safety.
CLICK-CLICK-CLICK
my mind screams at my feet to kick off these platform heels and run as fast as i can. i stay right where i am.
CLICK-CLICK-CLICK
the train whirrs by, so loud that i fear i could die, but after a minute it finally leaves our sight.
how blessed i must be to trust.
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